I am really relieved that I was only engorged for 24 hours but I was hoping my boobs would settle themselves at a smaller size. You know, like smaller than a honey dew. I’d settle for cantaloupes… and oh, how I dream of grapefruits!

But fur-real, I look like I should be on an episode of Maury about breast implant addiction (don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about!).

I’m only 5’2” and my top-heaviness is defying the great work of Sir Isaac Newton. Sigh. My poor poor back.